Can't Let Go Read online

  “Why don’t we make those hamburgers?” Dex peers over to me, raising his eyebrows.

  “Um … okay,” I agree, liking the use of we too much. I figure I’ll use the one recipe my dad taught me.

  “Awesome,” he speaks while still chewing. “You guys will love them.” He compliments the recipe and takes a gulp of his orange juice to wash down his mouth full of food.

  “Then we’ll go to the store after we finish here. Do you boys want to come?” Sadie asks, and they all groan, except Brady.

  “I have something to do. Do you mind if I catch up with you guys after?” Dex directs the question to me, and I nod in agreement, although it scares me. Sadie seems like an answer-seeker, and she’ll be firing question after question my way. Not noticing the anxiety in my eyes, he turns to Rob. “I need your help with something.”

  Rob gives him a slow nod. “All right. Let me shower,” he says.

  We all finish breakfast, and I help Sadie with the dishes while Rob takes a shower and the other guys bullshit about sports. If Brady hadn’t made breakfast, I’d think this house had morphed into the Leave It To Beaver show.

  Once everyone is ready, I walk upstairs to grab my shoes and purse. I’m about to go downstairs when I run into Dex in the doorway. “Here.” He hands me a few twenties.

  “I have money,” I say, walking past him.

  “Please, take it. I know you only have a few hundred,” he remarks, practically confirming he went through my stuff last night.

  “Listen. I appreciate it, but I’ll be fine,” I continue, folding his fingers up in a fist with the money in the middle. His chest rises and falls while his blue eyes stare into mine.

  “Always so stubborn.”

  “You saved me last night, so thank you. I refuse to take anymore, though,” I honestly say. The last thing I want is be more of a damsel in distress than I already am.

  “Look at this way. I want you to make the burgers. Shit, my stomach is full, but my mouth is watering just thinking about them.” He chuckles, and Rob comes out of his room.

  “Friends my ass,” he murmurs loud enough for us to hear it.

  Shaking his head, Dex opens my hand and places the money in it and then mimics my movement by folding my fingers over. “Please, just take it,” he insists.

  “Fine,” I relent. “Do you need anything?” I ask him, and he shakes his head.

  “No. Have fun with Sadie.” He goes to walk to his room, but stops when his shoulder brushes against mine. “Oh, and our conversation from earlier isn’t over yet,” he reminds me and continues on his way.

  My eyes close briefly at the thought of telling him about Nico and the incident, but it will only make him do something harsh.

  SADIE SLIDES INTO her Honda Accord and backs out of the driveway. Stopping briefly to have words with the old lady across the street, she says she’ll bring her some baking soda. “Can you remember that?” Sadie asks me. “I’d hate to disappoint Mrs. Fletcher.” I pull out my phone, making a list in the notes section.

  “Baking soda, check,” I say.

  “Thanks. Mrs. Fletcher is so sweet and nice. She’s known Brady and Grant since they were boys. All the guys kind of look after her. She’s only here half of the year, the other half she stays with her brother up in Salt Fork Lake.” She brakes at the stop sign, looks both ways, and then continues on. “She would give the boys treats and lemonade in the summer. She sells her baked goods at the farmers market. Oh, which reminds me, next weekend is the last one and she asked me if I could do it because she wanted to head up to Salt Fork Lake before the weather turned. Brady has a work thing, and Jessa’s as big as a house.” She stops rambling and peers over to me for a second before focusing on the road again. “Do you think you could help me?”

  “Um …” I stagger because I had plans of leaving tonight.

  “Oh … do you have someone to get back to?” She keeps up the twenty questions, and I’m half-tempted to tell her about my shitty life, so that maybe I’ll get a reprieve from her inquisition.

  “No. It’s just, Dex—” she quickly interrupts me.

  “Dex had said something to Brady that you might stay for a while.” She pulls into the parking lot, parks, turns off the ignition, and stares over at me.

  “Really?” I cringe from the mere surprise of that confession.

  “Yeah. The room was empty anyway, it can be yours for however long you need it.” Sadie places her hand on my knee. “I understand the need to just run away sometimes.” I bite my lip; I hate taking hand outs. “Please, Brady nor I mind. Plus, it’d be nice to have another girl around again.” Then she pulls back, grabs her purse from the backseat and exits the car.

  She’s surprisingly super nice, and the fact she didn’t rush me into answering if I would stay has me wanting to stick around. If not to have some solitude, then from scraping by paycheck to paycheck.

  Sadie leads the way through produce and meat. Each of us grabbing the ingredients we need. She talks about herself, never directing a question my way. She says how she and Brady are engaged, which I already knew. If the huge rock on her finger didn’t clue me in, the incessant conversations four months ago at Trey’s did. How she just started her master’s this fall for psychology, which only worries me that she thinks maybe I’m her mental case project. By the time we make it to the check-out, I know everything there is to know about all of their friends. The only one she doesn’t say much about is Dex. I wonder if she thinks I already know everything there is to know about him, but I don’t. I’m not sure I’ve ever known the whole Dexter “Edge” Prescott. One thing I do know, though, is that these friends know nothing about the side of his life I’m familiar with.

  When we’re pulling into the driveway, my nerves have calmed and I’m beginning to feel comfortable with Sadie. What does alarm me is the fact that my car is now parked in the garage with two—scrap that—three guys glowering under the hood. My hands dig in my purse, quickly discovering my keys are no longer where I left them. “Well, that’s a nice scene,” Sadie comments at their three asses positioned right in our line of vision.

  “I’d say so,” I remark. We both pick up our jaws and open our doors, the noise making all of the boys turn around. Dex raises his eyes to meet mine. A small smirk begins to form as I shake my head in amusement, spurring a hearty laugh to bellow out of Dex.

  CHRISSY AND SADIE meander up, holding the plastic bags heavy with the groceries. Grabbing them from her hands, I’m happy she’s wearing a smile on her face. She’s stubborn as an old man about his right to drive when it comes to certain things, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think I may have overstepped my bounds. Whether she leaves tonight, or in a week, I can’t in good faith let her go in this piece of shit.

  “Thank you,” she graciously says in a low voice just for me to hear.

  “No problem.” I shrug off the imposition, as though we didn’t just figure out it needs a crap load of work.

  “How the hell has this thing been getting you anywhere?” Rob yells from under the car. He slides out and wipes his greasy hands on a towel.

  “It’s been touchy lately.” Chrissy bites her lower lip, and he tilts his head.

  “Touchy? You’re lucky you weren’t stranded on the side of the Ohio Turnpike somewhere.” Rob walks over to us. “I can get it fixed, but it will take a few days.” Chrissy’s eyes bulge, and Rob quickly replies back, giving an alternative that won’t happen.

  “Or, you can leave and you can call a tow truck once you hit I-77.” He raises both his eyebrows her way, looking at her like this should be a no-brainer.

  “This is perfect. You can stay in Trey’s old room.” Sadie ecstatically joins in, handing her bags to Brady.

  I glance over to Sadie in complete confusion as to why she wants to befriend Chrissy so bad. “Um …” Chrissy wavers, debating her alternatives, quickly figuring out there aren’t any.

  “Oh, come on,” Sadie consistently begs. Anyone who knows Chrissy knows she
’s wary of anyone that shows instant niceness.

  “What choice do I have?” she questions, finally realizing without her car, she’s not very mobile.

  “YAY!” Sadie jumps and then places her hand in Chrissy’s, leading her into the house. Chrissy stumbles and glances at me like a doe in headlights. Probably curious about this instant friendship Sadie has developed with her.

  Brady and I follow with the bags and place them on the kitchen counter. “I’m um … going to help Rob outside,” I say and begin to turn around before ever getting a response.

  “You got this, babe? I’ll join the guys,” Brady asks, kissing her on the cheek before making his retreat too.

  “You okay with this man?” Brady pats his hand on my shoulder, coming along side of me as we head toward the garage.

  Rob’s leaning against the doorframe, gulping down a beer. “So?” His eyes stay on mine while taking another pull of his longneck beer.

  “What?” I’m trying to act impartial, like I don’t give a damn. If they know my past, they might assume my present and then predict my future. Not happening.

  “The girl? You pick her up, bring her back here. Do her laundry, fetch her car, ask me to fix it. Who is she?”

  “Just like I told you, an old friend,” I remind him, and he chuckles, kicking himself off the wall.

  “All right, keep going with that.” He lays back down and slides under the car.

  “So, you’re okay with her staying? Because you know Sadie, I’m pretty sure it will be longer than a few days,” Brady adds, bending over to take a look under the open hood.

  “If you don’t mind. I’ll pay the rent—”

  “You know I don’t want the money. I’m not going to pry into whatever it is with you and her. Just want to make sure you’re okay with this.”

  “I’m good.” I leave it at that, and the guys understand it’s the end of the conversation.

  The three of us end up working for the next hour, making more progress than I thought we would. An odd feeling of dread hits when Rob says he’ll probably be done earlier than expected. He’s secured a friend tomorrow to give him a hand.

  We all venture back into the house where the girls are seated around the table, knives in hand, chopping away on cutting boards. Laughter pouring out of each of them. It’s nice to see Chrissy like this. Although our relationship has been non-existent the past few years, I want nothing more than for her to be happy and secure in the future.

  Grabbing the other ingredients she needs for the burger meat, I walk over and place them on the table. She turns my way and throws me a heartwarming smile, causing my own lips to turn up. “Could you get me a wooden spoon?” she asks, and I fetch one, handing it over to her, earning another grateful smile. “You don’t have to help me.”

  “We offered to make the hamburgers, remember?” I dump some onions on the meat. Chrissy doesn’t say anything except a nice flush appears on her cheeks.

  Helping Chrissy make the hamburgers is like old times. She mixes it together and I form them into the patties. Rob saunters in and assesses the conversation from the corner of his eye, rushing upstairs. He’s probably assuming I’m halfway to marriedville like the rest of this group, but no way. I’m not meant to be tied down with someone. Especially not Chrissy, she’d never welcome certain aspects of my life.

  I grill while Brady and Sadie continue getting the salads together. Opening a bag of chips and a bottle of Miller Lite, I place it on the plastic table as I look into the garage at Chrissy’s car parts strewn around the floor. “You have really nice friends.” Chrissy startles me, sitting down in the chair at the table, snagging a chip.

  Her long blonde hair is pulled back now in a low ponytail, revealing her tempting elongated neck and visible collarbone. She’s thinner than I’ve seen her before, and I figure it’s because of whatever brought her here. “Yeah, I like them,” I say, holding out and offering her the extra beer. She takes it, untwists the top, and the light liquid flows into her mouth as she tips the bottle back.

  “You okay with me staying? I can leave as soon as my car is ready.” She crosses her legs, and her skirt rides up, allowing a glimpse of her upper thigh. The spatula twitches in my hand with the thought of the skirt rising farther.

  “Chrissy, I want you to stay as long as you need to. I’ve talked with Brady. You’re welcome for as long or little as you want.” I flip the burgers and rotate the hot dogs before shutting the lid to the grill again, trying anything to distract myself.

  “Thanks. It’s nice here. I wouldn’t mind a break, but the last thing I want is to intrude in your life.” She fiddles her finger in her ponytail, gazing out into a yard that’s more than she ever had growing up.

  “Then stay,” I tell her, smiling over when I sneak another chip. “It’s settled then, don’t worry about me.” When she doesn’t argue, a lightness lifts from my chest that I won’t have to tell her goodbye—at least for a while.

  “Hulk must be a better name than Edge, huh?” She asks me about my nickname the guys branded me with my freshman year. I don’t much care for that one either, but she’s right, it’s a hell of lot better than the nickname my dad and his buddies refer to me as. The name that continues to make me feel the pressure of earning it for some reason.

  “It is what it is. Not very original, but I didn’t choose it.” I take the burgers and hot dogs off the grill and turn off the burners. She gets up and grabs her beer off the table, situating the two of us centimeters away. Our chests brush lightly, and our breathing quickly matches an escalating pace.

  “I’ve always thought of you more of a Superman, you know, if we’re going with the whole super hero thing that is,” she says and then turns around back to the house.

  What the hell was that? Superman? She’s got one thing right. Superman lives two personas, and that, I definitely do.

  CHRISSY’S UNWAVERING EYES are all that occupies my vision as I drive over to Ridgewood, guilt eating away with every mile I get closer. She knows something, maybe where I’m going or where she believes I’m headed. The image unbearable of what she would do to me if she found out where I earn my money. The money that just bought the groceries, the money that will fix her car. She’d probably throw it in my face and say the hell with you.

  Two cars line the road outside of the Ridgewood house, which brings the anger at myself out all the more. Pulling around to the alley, I park my truck in the garage right alongside my father’s and shut the door behind it. Using the side entrance, I take the short steps to the house, already hearing the cheering from outside the door. I guess the house is winning tonight.

  I’m able to sneak in without anyone hearing me over the noise because all of their eyes are glued to the four flat screen televisions mounted to the wall. Determined to find my dad, I escape to the back of the house that holds his office, and, just like I presumed, he’s behind his desk, on the phone.

  “Nope. Can’t happen.” Using his no-nonsense attitude as always. My dad is known for his all-business and lack of personal relationships. That’s probably why I began giving him bets when I was young, for him to relate to me somewhat.

  When he spots me in the doorway, he smiles as always and motions me with his hand to shut the door. Following his directions, I plop down in the chair in front of him and rest my ankle over my knee.

  “Well, figure it out.” He finishes the conversation with a demand and hangs up, concentrating on me in front of him. “Hey, Edge, how are things?” I debated in my head since last night if I should ask my dad. But, he’s my source of information, and I have no choice in the matter.

  “Chrissy’s back,” I start honestly, and the first thing that strikes me is he’s not shocked.

  “Has it got that bad?” he asks and leans back into his chair, a look of concern wrapping around every feature in his face.

  “You tell me. She isn’t talking.” I raise both eyebrows at my dad, who is agitating me since I now know he has been keeping stuff from me. Chr
issy disappeared after graduation. After that night at the fair, she never answered her phone and pretty soon disconnected it all together. I’ve never been more destroyed in my whole life as those months I searched for any trace of where she went. Having to explain to my mom why I broke two phones wasn’t easy either. Moving out of her dad’s apartment without a forwarding address left me blind in any future of finding her. Since her father has been banished from many underground establishments, eventually getting blacklisted by my dad, too, by the time I went to college, I was so angry at her, I gave up.

  “He’s down, and I’m not sure he’ll recover.” My dad teepees his fingers to each other, focused on me.

  “How much does he owe?” I ask, my fist clenching and opening with the fulfilling fantasy of punching her dad.

  “Too much. It’s not only that, he’s burned bridges. Fuck, he burned this bridge four years ago,” he reminds me.

  “Why? How?” I need as much knowledge as I can get in order to figure out what exactly Chrissy’s running from. She’s always been able to handle her dad. That one time when he lost the apartment, she somehow scrambled to help him find another. Or the time he sold all the furniture and she babysat for a month before having a bed to sleep on again. If she’d stop being so damn stubborn and allow me to get her through this.

  “He’s started to become desperate and when people become desperate—” My dad leaves it open because he knows I understand.

  “They cheat,” I finish in a soft voice, because the chances of me fixing this are slim with this knowledge. I swallow the deepest gulp imagining what could have happened to her. Cheating is just beyond the realm of manageable situations because the people you cheat don’t second-guess going after your important possessions, which would be Chrissy.

  “Yeah. He’s been caught at five places all together. Last one was Nico’s. You know Nico?” He cocks his head to the side. The name alone boils my blood with visions of his hands on her that night.