We Thought We Knew It All (Invincible Book 2) Page 5

  “I've wondered about you, you know,” I admitted. When he looked up, I continued. “All this time. I mean, I knew you were an Army Ranger, but I always wondered what you were doing.” The worry I'd felt over the years rose up again and I had to touch him, if only to make sure he was really here with me. “You scare me.”

  My fingertips brushed his cheek and his eyes drifted shut. “Cal.”

  I jerked my hand back and his eyes flew open. When I stepped back, he shot to his feet.

  “Don't pull away.” His voice held a low growl. “Not now.”

  “No, Jamie.”

  “Why do I scare you?”

  “Because every day for the past ten years I've wondered if I was going to get the call that you were dead.” My voice grew louder. “You stopped contacting any of us. We didn't know if you were okay. I hated you, Jamie. Hated you. Because even after ten years, I knew if anything happened to you, it'd destroy me.” I hugged my arms across my chest. “It isn't fair. You shouldn't get to have that power over me. I want it back. Please, just give it back.” My voice cracked and my vision clouded with tears.

  Jamie looked around the room helplessly, searching. His lips curled up and I could have punched him. Again.

  He walked across the floor, stopping past the third bench and crouching down. His hand skimmed the floor as I stood lost in my own confession. Had he even heard me?

  “California, come here.” He kneeled and leaned back on his heels.

  “No.”

  “Please.” His eyes pleaded with me, using that power I so desperately wanted back.

  I walked over slowly, stopping in front of him.

  “Sit down,” he ordered.

  “This is stupid,” I grumbled. “Do you ever listen to anything I say?”

  His eyes held the same lightness that'd drawn me to him back in the day. “Do you know where we are?”

  “Duh, the gym where we had the worst day of our high school careers.”

  “Specifically.”

  I looked around, taking note of where we were in relation to the door and it hit me. I'd never forget this spot. “This is where we huddled behind the lockers. Our hiding place.”

  “This is where I first told you I loved you.” He didn't wait for a response, kissing me just as he had a few days before. This time I responded, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as the weight of that day drifted from mine.

  His lips were rough, but not forceful. He let me take charge, his version of returning power. He had been listening.

  As I kissed him, I forgot where we were, how our lives had changed. It was just me and Jamie. Him and me. Us. Together. Nothing had ever felt more right.

  He pulled me against him as I balled my fists in his shirt.

  When I finally pulled away, we were both panting. He opened his mouth to speak, but I put a finger to his lips.

  “Don't say anything Jamie-like. You'll ruin it.”

  When I kissed him again it was deliberate. The intensity of the moment washed over me, heating my skin and filling my mind.

  “California McCoy,” he said, breaking away again. “I give you your power back. Not whatever power you think I have - that's something you have to take. I can't give it. But that day, the shooting, doesn't have to haunt you anymore. That is the power I can return to you.” He gripped my chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing me to meet his gaze. “When those memories come back as they always do, I want you to see my eyes, feel my arms and know that you're safe.”

  I closed my eyes, rocking back on my heels.

  For ten years, I'd been feeling like one step forward and I'd tumble off the edge. In my mind, I shuffled back, my feet finally finding more stable ground on which to stand.

  Chapter Nine

  Callie:

  That night, after the boys were asleep, I opened my laptop to see the blank page in front of me. The blinking cursor no longer looked like it was taunting me, only waiting. It'd been two years since I typed “The End” on Emma and sent the final manuscript to the publisher. Two years of stalling, making excuses.

  I'd tried and it hadn't worked. The only story demanding to be told was one I hadn't been able to face.

  They say to write from your own experiences. Write what you know. What did I know?

  I'd grown up with the best mother I could imagine. She was special and everyone knew it. She'd taught me to surf, to use sarcasm with great effect, and most importantly to be strong.

  I'd had an amazing best friend, my only friend. Jay was all I'd needed.

  I was a twin. There were rough times, but in the end, Colby was the most important person in my life.

  My aunt was my savior and surrogate mother after the worst happened.

  I'd fallen in love, but not in the way most teenagers did. It'd been an all-consuming, forever kind of love, even if it hadn't really lasted forever.

  And we'd been torn down. All of us.

  I didn't need to outline because this time I'd lived it. I knew what happened next. The words streamed from my fingertips as I typed rapidly. The night was halfway gone by the time I came to a stopping point, 6,000 words in. When I wrote Emma, it'd been about my mom. This was different because it was about me, about us.

  I powered down my computer and peeked in at my boys. Leaning down to kiss the top of Jackson's sleeping head, I hoped to God his childhood would hold less tragedy than mine had.

  * * *

  It was early when the giggling broke through my dreams seconds before three boys jumped onto my bed. A chorus of “Mommy” and “Mom” rang out as Liam leaned down to look into my slowly opening eyes.

  “Are you sleeping?” he asked.

  I grabbed an extra pillow and chucked it at him. He ducked out of the way laughing.

  “Now, Mom,” Jacks started. “That wasn't very nice.”

  I chuckled at his serious expression, then sat up and snatched Declan who'd been shimmying from the bed. “Hey!” he yelled as indignant as a two-year-old could get.

  “Morning, boys.” I smiled, sleepy, but content. I'd only gotten to sleep a few hours ago, but writing was always a tonic for the mood. It was Saturday and I wanted to do something they'd never forget.

  “Who wants to go to the beach today?”

  The excited chatter grew as they talked about everything they'd do. The beach wasn't anything new, but today would be different. Jackson had been asking for years to surf and we'd never gotten around to lessons. Dylan was too wrapped up in his own life and I hadn't spent time in the water in ages.

  I threw back the covers and climbed out.

  Jackson took his brothers to the kitchen for cereal while I jumped in the shower.

  Afterwards, I found my wet-suit and pulled it on over my bathing suit, leaving it unzipped with the top half folded down around my waist. I looked in the mirror for a long moment before tying my hair in a braid. It was much shorter than the ones I used to wear, but the familiarity felt good.

  I felt good.

  Voices drifted out of the kitchen, the boys going on about something. When they were joined by a low belly-laugh, I sped up.

  Jamie was sitting with them at the table, a bowl of captain crunch in front of him. I leaned against the door-frame, watching as Jackson explained something to him and Liam stared in wide-eyed fascination. Declan said something loudly, just wanting to be heard, causing Jamie to lean towards him across the table and respond with a laugh.

  A smile found its way to my lips and I cleared my throat. All four boys looked at me as if they'd been caught with their collective hand in the cookie jar.

  “Mommy,” Liam was the first to speak. “It's the soldier!”

  “Yeah,” Jacks added. “You know, the one you punched. Do you remember?”

  Jamie was doing his best to hold in a laugh.

  “I remember.” I smirked at him. “Did this soldier just stop by for a free breakfast?”

  “Of course not, Mom,” Jackson stage-whispered. “He's in the army. His Uncle Sam
feeds him.”

  “His Uncle Sam, huh?”

  “Yeah, they told us about him at school. He's a scary looking dude.”

  I raised an eyebrow, still waiting for Jamie to explain his presence.

  “I figured you guys would be up early.” Jamie shrugged. “And as I'm staying in town a little longer, I wanted to see you.”

  “You're staying in town?” My voice was breathless, but I didn't care.

  “Duh, Mom,” Liam butted in. “He just said that. We invited him to the beach. He can't leave before that. His uncle will just have to eat shit.”

  “Liam!” I yelled. “Where on earth did you hear something like that?”

  “I think you're in trouble,” his older brother said unhelpfully.

  “Eat shit!” Declan parroted. “Eat shit!”

  “Oh my God.” I banged my head against the wall and Jamie couldn't hide his laugh this time. Even my glare didn't shut him up.

  “Declan, honey.” I picked him up out of his highchair. “We don't say things like that. Liam, I asked you a question.”

  “Daddy says it,” Liam finally answered.

  “Of course he does.” I sighed.

  “Liam,” Jackson chastised. “That's one of the things we aren't supposed to tell.”

  “There's more?” I fixed my oldest with a stare. “Wait, you know what? It doesn't matter anymore. In the future, you don't keep secrets from your mother, got it?”

  Jackson nodded, his lip trembling slightly. “Why doesn't it matter anymore?”

  “Oh, sweetie.” I knelt down in front of his chair. “Because we're here and daddy is in Los Angeles.”

  “I want to see him.”

  I looked at Jamie helplessly, cursing the tears that sprang to my eyes. “Why don't you take Declan to get ready to go to the beach. I think it's about time you start learning to surf.”

  His head sprang up, the tears drying up as he sprinted from the room in excitement.

  I collapsed into his vacated seat, taking a bite of his cereal and resting my head on my arm. “How do I tell my kids that they won't be seeing their dad very often anymore and that he didn't even fight for that to be different?”

  “You just do your best and hope they won't blame you for it later.”

  I glared at him. “Gee, thanks. I hadn't even thought about that possibility.”

  * * *

  It was different, but also very much the same. The gravel parking lot had been paved; the large rocks removed to create a clearer path from the cars to the beach. They'd widened the beach, trucking in sand to do so, but the waves were the same. The water was kicked up slightly as the news yesterday said it would be. It wasn't great for most surfers, but for beginners it was perfect.

  I pulled a board out of the back of Jamie's truck. It wasn't my mom's - that board was long gone. This was a long board, sleek and striped blue and white. It would do.

  Jamie brought along his shorter board, but hadn't expressed an interest in surfing himself.

  “It's been a long time,” he'd said. “We don't do much surfing in the army.”

  It'd been a while for me too, but I didn't voice that. I'd always wanted to surf California waves and I had. For years as my dad and I were building our relationship, that was the language we used until we didn't need to anymore.

  I held a wiggling Declan as I walked to the edge of the water. This beach was where I grew up, where I learned how to be. I figured out so much about life here. Glancing back at Jamie, I realized he had too.

  Jackson stood on the board where it lay in the sand and held his arms out as he imagined surfers did. I could practically see his mind working as he bent at the knees and leaned as if turning into a big wave. The sun glinted off his hair, making it look almost blond and when he grinned, I sucked in a harsh breath. Jamie bent down to say something to him and my grip on Declan tightened.

  “Owww!” he yelled.

  “Oh, sorry baby.” I snapped out of it.

  “I'm not a baby.”

  “Of course not.” I put him down in the sand, letting him run up to his brothers, as my heart pounded against my rib cage.

  “I've already been taught how to scoop water and stand up,” Jacks said proudly to Jamie.

  “I'll bet you're the best water scooper,” Jamie responded seriously.

  “His dad taught him,” I explained. “But he got too busy to take it further.”

  Busy my ass. Just uninterested.

  “Can Jamie teach me?” Jacks asked, looking from me to Jamie.

  “I'm not sure he's up for that.” I gave Jamie an out.

  “What?” Jamie laughed. “Of course, little man. Your mom has to stay here with your brothers and hold down the beach.” He bent to lift the board and tucked it under his arm.

  “I don't get it,” Jackson said. “Why do they need to hold down the beach? Is it falling?”

  Jamie vibrated with laughter as he showed Jackson how to help him carry the board.

  I set up the umbrella and pulled my wet-suit down, stepping out of it. Sitting next to Liam and Declan, we began to build what Liam called the best castle there ever was.

  For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel as though everything would cave in at any moment.

  But really, how long could any of it last?

  Chapter Ten

  Jamie:

  I sat down next to Callie as we watched her two older boys play at the edge of the water. Declan was asleep under the umbrella beside her, dead to the world.

  A smile graced her perfect lips.

  Motherhood suited her. I never would have imagined her raising kids alone. It was something we were supposed to do together.

  But she was good at it. Her boys loved her in a way I'd never had the chance with my own mother. Jay didn't even seem to feel like that for his. Callie and Colby had. It was a cruel world that ripped apart the good families and left the screwed-up ones to keep messing up each other's lives.

  “Hey.” Callie bumped her shoulder against mine. “What are you thinking about?”

  “It seems so surreal to be here with you.”

  “It does, doesn't it?”

  “Do you regret things?” I wasn't sure what I wanted with that question because I didn't know my own answer.

  She thought for a moment, her gaze going from the sleeping Declan to the two older boys. “If I did, that'd be like wishing them away. I can't do that.”

  I nodded silently. “I don't think I do either. I think we made the right decisions back then.” It was true. Joining the army had given me a sense of purpose that my life had sorely lacked. Becoming a Ranger made me into a man.

  Now it was her turn to nod. “Doesn't make it feel better, does it?”

  “Did you love him?”

  “Hello subject change.”

  “Cal.”

  She sighed, refusing to look at me. “I assume we're talking about Dylan, yes?”

  I nodded and she finally met my gaze.

  “Yes, Jamie. I loved him with every piece of my heart I had left. If you're asking if I loved him the same way I loved you, I don't think that's possible. No love is ever the same.” She softened her voice. “I don't want to hurt you, but I won't lie to you. He was there when you …”

  “Weren't,” I finished for her, breathing deeply as the pain cut deep into my soul. I'd asked for honesty and now I had to know. My voice came out more choked that I'd have liked. “How could you move on so fast? Cal, you were married less than a year after we'd ended and had a baby.”

  Her lips quivered and I hated myself for causing it.

  “Going out to California was the hardest thing I'd ever done.” She reached for my hand, but then thought better of it. “You have to understand. I was so alone. Things weren't going well with my father at first. He didn't know what to do with me. Then there was this boy – er, man - he was eight years older. Dylan and I were immediate friends. We surfed. He took me to parties to meet people. He even helped me connect with my dad. And th
en I found out I was pregnant.”

  She covered her face in her hands. “I was so lonely, Jamie. I just wanted you.”

  I put my arm around her shoulders, letting her bury her face in my chest. She was shaking with tears and it broke my heart to think of her going through that.

  “Dylan offered to marry me, and that was the beginning. I was thankful to just be taken care of. It took three kids, eight years, and his affair to realize he didn't love me. He cared about me, but I was also a leg up in my father's company. I left him and he let me go.”

  She coughed out a laugh. “If I keep giving pieces of my heart to each sexy surfer I meet, I won't have anything left.”

  “Hey.” I tilted her chin up so she was looking at me. “Dylan is an idiot.”

  She laughed and relaxed into my arms as her sniffling stopped. “Don't I know it.”

  * * *

  I carried the sleeping Liam into the house, Callie directing me back towards her old room. It still looked the same. There were Star Wars sheets on the bed and toys tucked away, but it still felt like her.

  “Well, it's cleaner than when you lived in here.” I laughed.

  “Hey,” she protested. “I wasn't that bad.”

  “How much do you want to bet that if we went into your room, we'd find clothes thrown along the floor right now?” I laid Liam on the bed and backed away as Callie coughed uncomfortably at the mention of her room.

  I was so out of practice dealing with normal girls - if she could be called normal. There hadn't been anyone since Jess. I breathed out slowly, letting the awkwardness settle.

  “Liam is my orderly one,” she said quietly. “Luckily, he takes after his father on that.”

  Dylan. That dick who once again found his way between us. A part of me wanted to get out of this town as soon as possible, but then I looked into Callie's eyes. Eyes that pleaded for someone to be there for her.

  I shut the door to Liam's room as Callie shifted Declan in her arms and headed towards Colby's old room to deposit him.